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Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Live...From the Train...It's Wednesday Night

This evening I get to the train station to find my train has been delayed by 15 minutes. The train I need to get on keeps dropping off the board but over the loud speaker we are assured it isn't canceled and it's on the way.

Finally, after waiting for what seems like forever in a sea of sheeple, we are able to board. However, since it is so close to the next trains departure, people from that train board as well.

I don't get a seat and now have to stand among the sheeple just trying to get home when the engineer and the conductor decide to have a private chat but it's not so private because they are screaming on the other side of the door from me.

"I bet you don't miss this." the conductor says to the engineer

"Why do you think I got out of ticket collecting and into this? So I'm not embarrassed by this malfunction. This is so f*cking embarrassing. These people just want to go home!"

"F*cking disgrace. Making us wait to pack a few more people on when the next train is literally in a few minutes. "

"This is bullsh*t!"

They then open the door and act like they didn't just have this conversation and smile and check tickets.

I'm standing here still and the guy sitting behind me smells like weed and cheap imposter cologne. It is awful and I want to gag but I have nowhere to move to.

The train just hit a bump and jurked me around sending my hand bag into the stoners head.

Stoner just got up and offered me his seat and now I feel bad for making fun of stoner guys cheap imposter cologne. Oh well... such is life. I get a seat and he is ready to fly off this train the second the doors open.

I guess cheap imposter smell is better than last night. Last night I was across from the bathroom and someone actually used it and ... well... let's just say Ralph Lauren-Hugo-Boss-Tommy-Hilfiger knock off 90's cologne would have been a nice touch yesterday.

Shocking. .. stoner guy got off at Lynn. I'm just sayin'!

Ok... almost to my stop finally. Thanks for reading my live blogcasted rant!

Brought to you by the MBTA, late trains home and awful cologne!

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Front Row for the Fight!

Last night I went to the BOSTON ATHENÆUM.  I took their art and architecture tour and it was pretty neat. On my way home, I had two options, wait for the commuter rail which was at 7:45pm or I could take the Blue line and hop on the 455 bus which got me home at 7:48pm if I made the bus. I decided to chance it and if all else fails… UBER!

I hop on the Blue line with no problem. I make the connection at Wonderland to the bus. Everything is working out great until we pick up a couple. I am seated against the wall and they decide to sit in the two seats facing forward so that they are staring at me and I can see them out of the corner of my eye. I am reading my new book I REGRET NOTHING so clearly they know I’m a bad a*s in a French burette and ballet flats! OBVIOUSLY…. OK OK, I look like the biggest wimp on that bus but whatever.  (PS My pepper spray is at the top of my purse. I AM going through Lynn … and possibly Revere too… I think but I’m not 100% sure)  

Anyway, this couple starts bickering! I can’t concentrate on my book. I just can’t do it. I must have reread the same freakin’ line a thousand times because I did NOT want to make eye contact! The following you should read Marisa Tomei style from My Cousin Vinny for the girl. The guy should be one of the Butabi Brothers from Night at the Roxbury. AND this is what I listen to for 19 stops:

Butabi boy starts: “Babe! How am I gonna trust you? I saw ON FACEBOOK that you went out with him! I know what I know!”

Marisa replies: “Yes, I went out with him but you knew I was going to. I told you.”

BB: “You checked in with him and made me look like a fool.”

M: “I didn’t think it was a big deal. I don’t want to do anything to screw this up babyyyyyy!”

BB: “You did!”

M: “That’s why you ignored me for two days.”

BB: “I was busyyyyyy.”

M: “I was worried. I didn’t know if something happened to you.”

BB: “If you were so worried, you should have stopped by my work!”

M: “I did. I even called your buddy Donny lookin’ fo’ you!”

BB: “You came to my work? You stalking me?”

M: “I was worrieeeeeeeed!”

BB: “I was busy.”

M: “You could have shot me a text.”


M: “ You think I f*cked him don’t you! DON’T YOU! I told you, I aint screwin’ this up babyyy!”

BB: “I do!”

M: “I knew it! I didn’t!”

BB: “What’ll it take to shut you up? What’ll it take? I don’t think that?”

M: “Yee-aaah!”

BB: “Ok! I don’t!”


M: “ You know I love you babyyyyyy!”

Annnnd that’s when I hit the stop request in front of my stop and quickly got the hell out of dodge in my burette and ballet flats! However, I’m assuming after I freed up some space and was no longer in their view, they had a stupid make out session until their stop.

Never a dull moment my friends!

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

That Ma'am-Sir is Bird Sh*t!

This morning, even though it was freezing and brisk, I was reminded of my vacation in February to the Philippines. I was sitting on the train when a woman frantically was trying to open the bathroom door. No one on the commuter train actually goes in the bathroom. She couldn’t get the door open and was starting to panic. Since I was close, I was like “Oh great! I’m going to smell something soon.” She starts asking for tissues as she is holding out her arm like a rigid stick.

A woman with a baby grabs her wipes out of her bag “Will these work?” she says.

“That’s better than a tissue! Thank you! Thank you!” the rigid armed lady says to the woman with the baby. She starts wiping her arm and turns to everyone looking at her and says “A pigeon got me! Bird sh*t all on my arm!”

And that’s when I lost it because I too have been in a similar situation (but I kept it inside because I don’t want people to think I’m crazy…and ya know…blog about me)

I was caving in the Philippines when I set my hand down on a railing that I was actually allowed to touch. I felt something goopy under my hand. I didn’t think much of it because water was leaking from all around but then I realized that it wasn’t water, it was something else. I look up at our tour guide and have this horrified look on my face while I look at my hand. In his broken English he says to me “That Ma’am-Sir….is bird sh*t!” We nearly fell over in laughter. I was no longer concerned with my poopy hand. I was laughing with the best one liner (that he didn’t even know was a one liner) from that vacation. It was a good thing too because I left the essentials in the vehicle and anti-bac was nowhere to be found. This woman on the train was lucky enough someone had wipes available to her...and I was lucky to have a silly memory instead.

Friday, December 4, 2015

Patience is a Virtue

Patience served me well yesterday on my trek in to the city. I got to the train and noticed a lot of people on the platform. No biggie though, usually there are plenty of people on the platform and we all get on. Well, the train rolls in and it is packed. It was already standing room only. I get on the train and can only find space in the vestibule. Ya know… that space between train cars where you’re not allowed to stand but in extenuating circumstances when it’s already dangerous, you can stand their anyways because…why not just add a little more excitement to your commute in the morning when you haven’t had your coffee yet…Ya… that space!

One guy decides he is going to get off and wait for the next train after we find out that the Express Train never showed up and that was the reason behind the sardine packed train. I glance at my phone and see that there aren’t any notifications for the next train. I look at the clock. If I wait 8 minutes, I can get on a train and maybe have a seat.

I follow the guy and we stand on the platform and hope that the next train actually shows up. 6 minutes later (2 minutes early) the train arrives and we board. Hardly anyone is on the train. I get a seat all to myself. I get to read my magazine and sip my delightful hot beverage all by myself on an almost empty train. That beats the vestibule any day!

Happy Friday!

Friday, November 20, 2015

Networking and Missed Trains

A month ago I decided I needed to get out there and network.  My first networking event, I went alone and conservatively dressed. I jumped right in and thought things were going well until one man offered for me to stay at his place if I didn’t want to make the trip ALLL the way back home after my ONE glass of wine. I extended my hand and said “It’s been a pleasure to talk to you.” Then walked away.

I have gone to a few events now and it seems I walk away with more dates than business contacts. I thought about wearing a faux wedding ring but haven’t done that as of yet. However, my boyfriend was not traveling this week and we decided to go to one together.

A few groups formed and we settled in to a seating area when, in walks THAT GUY… the one that tried to take me home at the last networking event I saw him at. He spots me and is trying to play it cool when he knocks down the velvet ropes that gated off our reserved area. He then goes to the bar to get himself a glass of wine.

Wine in hand, he makes his way over to me and my boyfriend, whom I have to assume he thinks is a colleague or someone I just met by his confidence and cheesy swagger. I make introductions as we sit down. Conversation goes stale and I remember that this guy used to live out towards Napa so I ask about the wine he has chosen. He responds with “ The by the glass wines are not comparable to the bottles of wine for purchase.” He says to my boyfriend and I. He then turns to me and says “I would need someone who wants to split one with me. It’s no fun getting a bottle just for yourself.” I say “Well, we already have drinks. One is fine for me.” He then looks at my martini “Well, that’ll loosen you up for a bottle soon I’m sure.” I politely say “Oh no no no!”

After his pathetic attempt to try and get my boyfriend to leave the conversation, my boyfriend and I go into “we mode”. Weeeee have had a busy month. Weeeeeee have found some fun martini’s during our outings this past month. Weeeeeee live on the North Shore…..

The guy finally picks himself up and says “I need to go get some cheese!” and walks away. However, he forgets his wine glass on the table in front of us. He makes some connections by the cheese tray and then comes back, scoops up his wine and avoids us until he leaves. Since he walks by us, he feels obligated to say good bye. Comes over and says he hopes to see me at next month’s networking event.  I tell him “Perhaps!” (AKA No F*cking way!) and he is dumb founded that I am not committing to seeing him at the next function.

After this delightful (Sarcasm) evening, we make our way to the train. I know in my head we have to leave exactly at 9 to catch the train. Boyfriend says good bye to one more person and we are out the door at 9:03. We walk fast to the train but I have heels on and they keep getting stuck in the sidewalk. We arrive in the train station at 9:19. The sign says all aboard and we run to the platform. I read Track 1! Well, it was Track 7 not track 1. They look similar on the board when you whiz on by though and since Newburyport and Rockport are almost always on Track 1 or 2, I feel confident going towards 1. Get to track 1 and there isn’t a train. Look at track 7 annnnd there goes our train.

I melt down. I had had a long week…a long day at work and networking is hard. Luckily, my boyfriend convinces me that we need to go to a bar and have another drink since it was an HOUR and 20 MINUTES until the next train! We leave the train station but I am not willing to go far as I have speed walked nearly a mile and then sprinted the entire train station in stilettos. We go across the street to a tavern for drinks and apps. When we return to the train station, our train is called and we… and every Bruins fan in the WORRRRLD board the train. I can’t complain though because we did get a seat and we did get home!

TGIF! I am done with this week! Enjoy your weekend everyone!!!

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

There is a Cow on the Track

Sooo, the last time I checked...i wasn't in New Hampshire anymore which you could imagine my surprise when the conductor got on the loud speaker to inform us that the train was delayed not by the error of the MBTA but because there was a cow on the tracks that wouldn't move and the farmer in which this cow belonged to, was not immediately available so they had to wait. They said if we'd like to make sure this doesn't happen again, we can find the farmer, track him down and tell him to keep better track of his cows! Yes... this happened! Good old New England!

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Skirts Flying and Burrito Warnings

Yesterday as I was heading to the train, it wasn’t raining too badly so I decided to walk instead of hopping on the T like everyone else. Half way to North Station, I realized that it wasn’t the rain I wanted to avoid, it was the wind. I was holding my umbrella and my hand bag while wearing a dress. Not a pencil, tight dress but one that flows. Well, on windy days you do not want flow-y skirts.

Every time I tried to cross a street, the wind would turn my umbrella inside out and I’d have to reach up and flip it right side out but in doing so, my hand was coming off of my dress as it was holding it down. I walked a mile like this. By the time I got near North Station it was either let everyone see my a*s or save my umbrella. Survival of a city girl I tell ya. I closed my umbrella because it wasn’t worth it but the rain picked up and I was getting pelted. I decided “F*ck it! Let everyone see my a*s!” and opened up my umbrella again. I was fortunate though… no one saw my a*s. The skirt of my dress just swooshed in the wind and luckily didn’t fly up!

I make it to the train and sit down in a seat with this guy on the window. After I sit down and start getting situated he leans in and tells me “I just ate a burrito.” I just look at him like “WTF” he continues. “I just ate a burrito so if you… ahhh… well you’ve been warned!”

F*ck my life! Is he telling me that because he ate a burrito, he is going to stink up this space? Luckily, my allergies are really bad right now and I didn’t smell a thing!

Almost Friday people! Almost Friday!!!