Subscribe

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

Thursday, November 20, 2014

I Carried a Shower Curtain Rod on the Train


So, yesterday I went to TJ Maxx in Downtown Crossing to see if I could find some Christmas gifts for some people I am stumped on. I round the corning and see this perfect shower curtain rod that I NEED! It’s the rounded one that gives me extra space AND it BOLTS into the wall! Let me tell you why it needs to bolt into the wall…

When I first moved in to my condo, the guy who lived there before me offered to take me to dinner. I accepted and he gave me pointers on the house, the quirks of the house and the down low on the neighbors! He also showed me around town to help me familiarize myself with key places like Starbucks and Whole Foods! VERY IMPORTANT to know!

During his “down low” on the neighbors he informed me that I was in a safe neighborhood except…he stops! EXCEPT for the HOME INVASION that happened NEXT DOOR! He believes it was an isolated incident. However, having moved in to a new place and I hadn’t yet installed my house alarm, it concerned me.

That night I went to bed. At about 2am I hear this HUGE bang! I grab my pepper spray, phone and keys. I read somewhere that if you don’t have a home alarm, keep your keys near you so if anything happens, you can press panic and some alarm will sound and hopefully spoof the intruder. Also, if I got the dog and myself out of the house, I could speed off in my bare feet and pajamas!  I sat in my bed looking at my big huge dog curled up next to me. I look at her and whisper “Now would be a good time to start barking!” She does nothing. “Go get ‘em! Ahhhh….Attack!” I whisper to her. Again. She stays put.

I creep in the hall way and realize, this awesome house build in 1910 didn’t have a hall way light installed. I do the next best thing and flip the switch in the bathroom with pepper spray aimed and ready. I glance in the bathroom and what do you know? Oh, the shower curtain rod fell down! Crisis averted! No home invasion here!

So, yesterday, I bring my lovely prized shower curtain rod on the train. It’s huge! I probably smacked a few people in the head with it as I walked by. I tried soo soo hard not to but it was inevitable! I just barely made the train and it was standing room only. So, guess who got to stand on the commuter rail with her prized shower curtain rod? ME! It felt like everyone was looking at me. Wondering…why on earth would you bring that thing on the train! Well…now we know! And if I smacked you in the head with it as I walked by… super sorry!!

That is all!

Monday, November 17, 2014

Damsel in Distress


Well, I guess the way to get a man is to stand on the train platform in the pouring rain with no umbrella.

This morning, I am prepared for the rain in my Hunters rain boots and my Coach Umbrella. I am standing on the train platform and this girl comes up and just stands there, in the pouring rain while her LongChamps bag gets ruined. This handsome guy comes up on the platform and immediately offers her his umbrella. She responds with “Thanks! I have one, I was just too lazy to open it.” And hops in under his with him. They start making small talk while my prepared self stands alone.

Is that all I have to do? Not be prepared and stand in the pouring rain with no umbrella to meet a man? Hmm…better work on my damsel in distress technique! ;)

Thursday, November 13, 2014

I Am Not The Only Starbucks Snob


Yesterday I had an eye appointment in the Back Bay. As I got on the T to make my way over to State Street, this guy strikes up a conversation with me asking me if Tufts used to be New England Medical Center. I tell him that they basically used a label maker to put up the Tufts stop and if he looks real close he can probably see what it used to be. He comes to the conclusion that it was New England and then he tells me that he is never on the Orange line but he was being lazy and wanted to hop on to North Station.

He then tells me “I hope there is a Starbucks there! I need a coffee.”

“No Starbucks! Just two Dunkin Donuts!” I reply.

“Are you kidding me? You can’t be serious! I can’t have Dunkin’s!” he screams.

I just look at him.

“I mean, I totally sound like a coffee snob but I am not. I just can’t have watered down, sugary crap! This is bull sh*t! OK, what I just said totally makes me a coffee snob but whatever!”

I laugh and tell him that what he just said is EXACTLY how I feel! Thank god! No one understands my deep hatred for Dunkin’s but this guy could totally relate! We were at Downtown Crossing when he started to rationalize getting off at a different stop for Starbucks.

I pointed out that he could get off at State and pop up to the one on Washington and either walk the rest of the way or hop back on the T to North Station if he had time.

Guess what…he got off at State for Starbucks! Yup! Starbucks is THAT important!

I wished him well and then went towards my building. By the time I got to my building and all that talk about Starbucks, I popped into the one at my lobby and treated myself to a lovely Carmel Brule Latte!

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Wake Up Buddy!!


Last night I got caught at the office a little later than usual so I took the next train home. Apparently day light savings time caught up to some people as many fell asleep in their seats. This includes the 300 pound man that sat next to me.

As we roll into my stop, I figure I can just tap him on the shoulder and he’d wake up. Uh, no! Not so lucky! Oh… and did I mention he has noise canceling head phones on so I couldn’t ask him to move. They announce my stop and we come to a halt. People start filing out of the train as I am stuck in my seat which was a three seater with a table on the double decker. I nudge the guy again and he waves me off. What the f*ck buddy? I have to get off the train. GRR!

I contemplate climbing over him but think better of it as I am wearing an adorable plaid jumper and would risk flashing… um no… that wouldn’t be risking, I’d 100% be flashing annnnnd there were two creepy guys sitting on the other side of the table. So, that was out.

I finally “accidentally-on purpose” slam him with my Tumi back pack and his eyes open. I point to the aisle and he finally lets me out. I ran down the aisle just in time to catch the conductor before he put that stairs back up.

Oy Vey! A commuter girls life!

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

C'est La Vie!


Last night I get on the T at State Street and there is this girl with an umbrella stroller and she is covered in muck and dirt. The kid is fine although he is screaming. A sweet woman tries to calm the baby as the disheveled crack head looking mother just sits there.

“Who is so handsome!?” The woman coos at the toddler.  

“Don’t be nice to him. I have had it with him.” The disheveled crack head says with fierce attitude.

Most of the people roll their eyes and I look at the floor. I am sick and do not want to make eye contact!

“Oh, we have all been there. I am sure it’s just a bad day.” The nice lady says to the crack head.

“No! You don’t undah-stand. He threw his bottle on the tracks as the last train came. It is his last bottle that I have. I get $300 a month to survive and have $10 until Friday. I had to miss that train, climb into the subway down below and get his bottle. I can’t afford another bottle.”

At that moment, I truly felt bad for her. I can’t even imagine not having the cash to get a baby bottle! I am so fortunate that I have never had to think about retrieving something from the depths of the subway tracks 4 feet down because I couldn’t afford to replace it.

The woman pretended she didn’t just hear that (along with the rest of the T car) and started playing with the baby who did stop crying once he received positive attention. All smiles actually.

The disheveled crack head looking mom continues her story about how horrible her life is but no one seems to be paying attention and her baby was all smiles for the next two stops. Once the woman left the train, he started crying again. I felt bad for the kid and sorry for the mother but c'est la vie! What can you do?

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Awkward Hair Touching


That awkward moment when a perfect stranger starts touching your hair on the T. When you look over they say “Oh my god! Is your hair real?!”

I reply “Yes it is real!”

They keep feeling my hair “Oh my god. You are so lucky! It is absolutely beautiful!”

Thank god for only 2 stops on the T. I high tailed it out of there pretty quickly! I guess I’ll take that as a compliment as it is 100% humidity today and I had the balls to wear it down today.

Friday, October 3, 2014

Ebola!


I get to the T this morning and it is chilly (I broke out the winter jacket today! I mean… it’s that chilly!). As I am walking down the stairs, the train pulls in. I hop on and this grungy guy with his guitar piles on after me. He could be homeless… it could be the look he is going for. Who knows?!

People on the platform start screaming in to the train “Can you just push down a little?” no one moves! They try again “Please! I am late. I see some room!”

The grungy, potentially homeless, guy screams to the people on the platform “I HAVE EBOLA! F*CK OFF!”

The people on the platform back away and now everyone on the train is laughing because HE BETTER BE F*CKING KIDDING!!!

Happy Friday everyone!