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Thursday, October 23, 2014

Awkward Hair Touching


That awkward moment when a perfect stranger starts touching your hair on the T. When you look over they say “Oh my god! Is your hair real?!”

I reply “Yes it is real!”

They keep feeling my hair “Oh my god. You are so lucky! It is absolutely beautiful!”

Thank god for only 2 stops on the T. I high tailed it out of there pretty quickly! I guess I’ll take that as a compliment as it is 100% humidity today and I had the balls to wear it down today.

Friday, October 3, 2014

Ebola!


I get to the T this morning and it is chilly (I broke out the winter jacket today! I mean… it’s that chilly!). As I am walking down the stairs, the train pulls in. I hop on and this grungy guy with his guitar piles on after me. He could be homeless… it could be the look he is going for. Who knows?!

People on the platform start screaming in to the train “Can you just push down a little?” no one moves! They try again “Please! I am late. I see some room!”

The grungy, potentially homeless, guy screams to the people on the platform “I HAVE EBOLA! F*CK OFF!”

The people on the platform back away and now everyone on the train is laughing because HE BETTER BE F*CKING KIDDING!!!

Happy Friday everyone!

Thursday, October 2, 2014

My Hair is Stuck!


This morning, I pile into the T at North Station. It was rainy and nasty and I just didn’t feel like walking. Well, I guess everyone had that same thought too. As I pile in to the sardine packed train, I think I am the last one on. However, this lady decides SHEEEE will be the last one on.

She piles in behind me and says “I am sooo late for work. I am soo sorry!”

“No worries!” I tell her. I mean, we’ve all been in that position before. Late for work and have no choice.

She stands there with her face planted in this guys back while the door closes. It closes just fine and we all adjust ourselves to get more room when she realizes her hair is stuck in the door. I look out the window and there is her beautiful hair flapping in the breeze scraping up against the nasty, dirty, damp concrete on the other side.

She starts pulling her hair and trying to get it inside the train. It’s not budging.

We finally get to Haymarket and the doors release her hair. She breathes a sigh of relief. No one gets off so she gets off, flips herself around and gets back on. This time facing the door so her hair isn’t stuck outside again. The doors close and this time, he face is flat up against the glass. I don’t know what is worse, damp dirty hair or germs crawling all over your face. I mean, you can always wash your face and reapply make up at work, you can’t however, wash your hair in the sink at work but now she has both to contend with.

All I can say is that I am glad I wore my hair in a cute French braid today and didn’t have to face plant the door!

Ahh… good times on rainy days!

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Bird Watching Expedition


This morning I take a later train in. I find a seat next to an older gentleman with an e-reader. I sit down and he offers to put my bags up top for me. I politely decline because I just don’t like being separated from my Tumi bags! I whip out my phone and start responding to emails and texts.

The man stops reading and looks out the window once we get to the marsh area. He turns to me and says “These are rare to see! You see those birds?” I don’t have my glasses on so I take his word for it and nod saying “What a treat to see them on our way in.”

He now thinks I am interested but really I was only being polite. “Look, there is a heron! You see that?” I don’t see the heron. Again… zero glasses and they tend to blend in with the mud anyways.  I dodge and answer with “Oh, we have heron on the lake in NH.”

“Ahhh! You see the Egrets? Aren’t they just stunning?” I look out the window. I actually see them because they are huge! “Yes! They are beautiful.” I say.

“You know…why aren’t they flying south? Are they confused? It’s getting cold!” he says.

Ensue full on conversation about bird watching. He was an adorable little old man and he reminded me very much of my grandfather. It was at that point, I threw my phone in my purse and gave him my full attention. I may not have been 100% interested in birds but he made an effort to talk to me in a nice way and that deserves my attention. Sometimes human interaction trumps technology!

Monday, September 29, 2014

CVS Guy


Last week I was in CVS on Washington. This guy in line gets talking with me and before I know it, he is ending the conversation with an awkward hug! Well the hug may not have been awkward for him but it certainly was for me. I mean, I go to CVS expecting to be in and out of there and before I leave, a stranger is hugging me. I mean really!?! After the hug, he asked if he could take me shopping with him but I nipped that in the bud and said I had to get back to my very busy work day (Not lying actually! I really did!)

I hop on the sardine packed train this morning and who do I see? CVS Guy! He is two people down from me. I am actually grateful that it’s a S.P.T. because that means he can’t make his way over to me. I don’t have my phone out of my purse because it’s so packed so I can’t pretend to be busy so I flip around as best I can so we can’t make eye contact. When we get to State, I start making my way to the door. So does he. Clearly he works near me. UGH! I try to sneak in behind him so he can’t see me but it’s too late. He sees me and eye contact is made! SH*T SH*T SH*T! I quickly look the other way and HOPE he gets the hint that I am not interested! He did! He quickly turned the other way and headed for the other exit! FEW!! No more awkward hugging!

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Crotch in A*s


I know I haven’t written in a while. It’s not because I didn’t have ammo… it’s because I flat out didn’t have time. I wish I could have posted my mishaps and my new daily characters that I see on my new train. More on them another day!

Today, I board the T at North Station. It is a SPT (Sardine Packed Train)!! Big time. I make my way on and am the last one on board…well I think I am but NOPE, this guy decides that he has places to go and people to see and hops in behind me. Yup! That awkward moment when some strange guys crotch is in you’re a*s! Oh, and to make it even more awkward… he whispers in my ear “I’m sorry!” Oh yes buddy, that little “I’m sorry” made it that much more tolerable that your crotch is touching my a*s! No problem pal!

I stood there plotting my exit while I sipped my pumpkin spice coffee with my free hand. Two stops and I was free!

Happy Fall People!

 

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Drunk Lady and Her Ripped Jeans


A few weeks ago, I board the 5:15pm train home and sit in an aisle seat on the double decker. The two seater next to me has an aisle seat open and a business man sitting at the window. This woman, totally slurring her words comes up behind me and starts talking to the business man.

“Where are you getting off?” she slurs

“Ipswich.” He says.

“That’ll do!” She slurs some more. “Wait, can I sit down?” Clearly she isn’t a normal train commuter because we don’t ask to sit. We just sit! Open seat is anyone’s game.

“Sure! Sure!” he says while he grasps desperately to his Kindle!

“HEY!! Did you know someone pushed me out of the T! PUSHED ME! See my knee! Ripped my new jeans! SEE? OH MY GOD!! IS THAT BLOOD!!!!!” She starts screaming.

I am TEMPTED to get a Band Aid out of my purse since I have some BUUT think better of it since I have a half hour to go and don’t want to get stuck talking to her. I burry my head further into my book!

“Oh my! That is terrible.” The guy says while trying to be nice.

“This train is packed! You do this sh*t every day? Every day! Where are you going? How long is that?” She slurs on.

“Ipswich.  It’s not too bad.” He says and returns to his reader.

“Did I tell you someone pushed me out of the T! Look! Ripped my jeans! IS THAT BLOOD!?” she repeats her story!

He whispers “I think you may have had a bit too much to drink.”

“Drink!? NOOO! I gave up drinking!” she says in a very matter of fact way.

The guy remains silent. If she isn’t drinking…what is she on I wonder!

“Have you seen my knee? Someone pushed me! Pushed me from the T you know!”

AND it went on and on until I finally got off! Poor guy had a few more stops with her, her ripped jeans and her bloody knee!