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Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Drunk Lady and Her Ripped Jeans


A few weeks ago, I board the 5:15pm train home and sit in an aisle seat on the double decker. The two seater next to me has an aisle seat open and a business man sitting at the window. This woman, totally slurring her words comes up behind me and starts talking to the business man.

“Where are you getting off?” she slurs

“Ipswich.” He says.

“That’ll do!” She slurs some more. “Wait, can I sit down?” Clearly she isn’t a normal train commuter because we don’t ask to sit. We just sit! Open seat is anyone’s game.

“Sure! Sure!” he says while he grasps desperately to his Kindle!

“HEY!! Did you know someone pushed me out of the T! PUSHED ME! See my knee! Ripped my new jeans! SEE? OH MY GOD!! IS THAT BLOOD!!!!!” She starts screaming.

I am TEMPTED to get a Band Aid out of my purse since I have some BUUT think better of it since I have a half hour to go and don’t want to get stuck talking to her. I burry my head further into my book!

“Oh my! That is terrible.” The guy says while trying to be nice.

“This train is packed! You do this sh*t every day? Every day! Where are you going? How long is that?” She slurs on.

“Ipswich.  It’s not too bad.” He says and returns to his reader.

“Did I tell you someone pushed me out of the T! Look! Ripped my jeans! IS THAT BLOOD!?” she repeats her story!

He whispers “I think you may have had a bit too much to drink.”

“Drink!? NOOO! I gave up drinking!” she says in a very matter of fact way.

The guy remains silent. If she isn’t drinking…what is she on I wonder!

“Have you seen my knee? Someone pushed me! Pushed me from the T you know!”

AND it went on and on until I finally got off! Poor guy had a few more stops with her, her ripped jeans and her bloody knee!

Monday, August 18, 2014

80 Degree Sardine Tin on Wheels


Oh  Hello Monday! This morning I get to the train station and the train is running late. Since I have 2 dozen cupcakes in my cupcake carrier and a coffee in my other hand, I neglect to look at my phone to see any MBTA updates. I just assume it’s running the few minutes behind that it usually does. The train pulls in and I board. That my friends, is when I realize that there are no seats available! NONE what so ever!

I walk down the aisle and figure that I can try the next car but I stop abruptly half way down the aisle. Everyone is packed into the aisle and not moving. I now, have to stand in the aisle holding my work bag, purse, two dozen cupcakes and my coffee! I am less than thrilled!! The conductor closes up the doors and we begin rolling and that is when I realize, there is no A/C!! It was sweltering in there!

I drink my coffee quickly so I can stash the cup in my purse and free up a hand. It was a good thing I freed up a hand because the train conductor instructed us to lean to one side as he went down the aisle to look at passes. Someone said he couldn’t possibly and he showed him that yes…yes he would plow down the aisle and check everyone’s passes.

I reach my one available hand into my purse and dig for my pass. It takes me a second but I manage to get it out without whacking or elbowing anyone! As the conductor gets to me, he sees my cupcakes. I got a “ ‘Sup! How you doin’?” from him.  As everyone looks at me. AWKWARD!!

After he passes me, I get curious as to the temperature of the train. I have an app for that! I dig out my phone and one handedly get to my app. 80 degrees with a 65% humidity! It really is sweltering and I can’t even take off my cardigan  and thank god I didn’t waste my time curling my hair today!

We finally roll in to North Station and I can’t wait to get off the train…let alone, revive the feeling in my arm that has been carrying 10 pounds of cupcakes for the last half hour!

When I get to my desk I see a slew of MBTA updates! Oh, the earlier express train was canceled and therefore, everyone from that train, was on my train. I wish I had a free arm at the platform, had I known that, I would have waited for the next train. I don’t mind standing but I do mind when I am holding extra items and it is an 80 degree sardine tin on wheels!

Happy Monday everyone! I hope your week started better than mine!

Monday, August 11, 2014

WRONG TRAIN!


Welllllllll, I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I got on the wrong train (and if you are my friend on Facebook, you already know that)! Last Friday, I got to leave work early. I left at 4:06pm and was aiming for the 4:20 train. I power walked my a*s to North Station like a champ! I get to North Station, look at the board and see the Newburyport line is now boarding on track 6. When I was by the board near that tracks, I never looked up to double check and then when I entered the track, I never looked to triple check, I just kept running!

Every single day I triple check the boards because you never know! As I ran down the track towards the train I see my old conductor. Nope, that didn’t give it away my friends because I figured they hop around on different trains and since this was an earlier train, I had thought nothing of it. I get on, grab a seat and am all cozy when all of a sudden I hear “WEST MEDFORD!” I let out an “Are you f*cking kidding me?” which I think is under my breath but maybe not because everyone around me looked at me like “Did she just say that?” Um, ya people, I just did! And while you’re at it…move out of my way because apparently this is my stop now so that I can turn my a*s around!

I hop off the train and find a lovely bench. It was a great day for site seeing as my friend pointed out. Yes, I sat on the bench and site saw the Medford Dunkin Donuts. Such a delightful little spot.

The train back to Boston finally arrived and I hopped on. I got back to North Station just in time for the 5:15pm train to Newburyport…my normal train.  So much for getting out of work early but at least I wasn’t delayed on getting home any later than I usually do.

So here is my theory:  I must have looked at the board during mid-change where they take one train off and move all of the other ones up. This has happened before to me but because I double and triple check, I never got on the wrong train because of it. So, lesson learned! No matter how much of a hurry I am in, triple check!

Thursday, July 31, 2014

That Awkward Moment When...


That awkward moment when the balding, 50-something year old man next to you starts crying his eyes out. He leans over and puts his head between his knees. I look over to see if he is ok. I am not sure what to do. Do I ask him if he is ok? Do I just keep quiet so I don’t insult his manhood? All I wanted to do was offer him a tissue and a mint. Don’t ask me why I felt compelled to give him an Altoid but I thought he might want one. Sugar always makes me happy so maybe that’s why I wanted to reach for the tin.

His phone went off. It wasn’t on silent. It was like a bomb sound. I looked at caller ID (Um, how do I not when it’s right there sounding like a bomb and my book totally does not have my interest anymore?) It said “The Office”. He didn’t hit ignore. He just let it ring until it went to voicemail. He then dives back into his knees and starts choking. Ah, HA! I knew I my mints could come in handy. I start ruffling through my bag and he pops up and gives me the meanest look possible. I stop rummaging and burry my head in my book and fake read. FINE buddy! You don’t get a mint and tissues! Not after that look.

I sit and try to now ignore what is going on next to me until I get off. Of course he gets off at my stop!

Holy awkward!

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Lost 2 Monthly Passes


So, for all of you monthly pass holders that are on an automatic replenishment system, you will certainly be able to feel for this guy.

The other night, I hop on the train and sit down in a packed train. The conductor comes through and I hear someone say “What do you want me to do? I lost it!” The conductor ignores this and walks by. A little while later he comes back and I hear the guy say to the conductor “Both of ‘em went down the crack! My July and my August!” (August passes just came in the mail) I look over and he flashes his lanyard that is missing the clip.

Everyone from that 3 seater gets up while the conductor tries to locate the passes that fell down the crack of the seat. This turns in to quite a production. Then the guy says “Well, maybe they aren’t down there. Maybe they fell off before I got on the train.” The conductor is pissed “You mean to tell me you aren’t even sure if they are down there?” The guy meekly says “Noooo” The conductor walks away with his hands up and everyone sits back down.

Sucks to be that guy though! It isn’t even August and he lost his August monthly pass that I am sure cost a pretty penny. This is why I keep my passes zipped in separate compartments when I get my new monthly pass and still have a few days left on my other pass.I haven’t lost my pass ever but this would absolutely suck! To replace my pass, I could have purchased two pair of nice shoes instead…and I always need (want) new shoes!!!

Monday, July 21, 2014

Walking and Texting


So, last Friday, there was a dead bird on the platform at the train station. Well, it was still there this morning too. I was fortunate enough to have noticed him/her on Friday and avoid it. I also remembered this morning while walking on the platform that he/she was there on Friday and checked to see if he/she was picked up. He/She was not and I avoided he/she for another time. However, this one girl came walking up on the platform with her face in her phone guess what she did?

Yup, she stepped on the dead bird… in flip flops! Ya! That happened. So people, get your face out of your phone while you are walking! Seriously. Pull over to the side of the sidewalk if it is that important because otherwise, you slow people up, walk into things, walk off of things, fall into things!

Recap- Don’t walk and text at the same time. It’s not as easy as walking and chewing gum at the same time!

That is all!   

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Oh Don't Worry....


Oh don’t worry buddy, that’s just my shin you are stabbing with your massive golf umbrella. It’s ok. I don’t bruise easily or anything!

Yesterday, as I am darting to the train, it was raining only lightly so many people were carrying their umbrella’s closed instead of open and over them. Since mine is a compact Coach umbrella that fits adorably in my oversized  Tumi work purse, I could conceal mine. However, this a*shole in front of me had a huge a*s golf umbrella that he was carrying horizontally. While carrying horizontally, he was swinging his arms back and forth as many do while walking. It was crowded so we are all in the herd of sheeple together. Each time he moved his arms back and forth, his lovely pointy umbrella poked-jabbed my shin. My very skinny-bruises-easily-shin! I can’t afford bruises as I may have upcoming photo shoots that need my shins happy and healthy so I am quickly annoyed.

I dart out and around him on the opposite side of the platform and give him a little stare down while I pass him to save my lovely porcelain shins from more abuse!

Quick Recap:

·         Don’t carry huge a*s oversized golf umbrella’s, while walking in the herd of sheeple, horizontally!

THAT IS ALL!